Whether it is the realization that I am in a country across the world from my friends and family, I have to let it go. The fear I experience when navigating the city of Delhi as a solo female traveler, I have to let it go. The instant solitude I felt when arriving to my hotel, of having no one but myself to talk and relate to, being face-to-face alone with my emotions, I have to let it go.
Letting go of my attachment to these fleeting states of existence is no easy feat. The city dangers are real, I am actually far away from anyone that knows me, and I haven’t taken the time to nurture who I am in a very long time. Yet some force is here with me, guiding me, encouraging me to breathe and let it go.
The simple pleasures I’ve experienced in this short time are divine. I’ve relished in each meal- bite by bite- bold new flavors of sweet, sour, savory and spicy bouncing off my taste buds. Even though I’ve had Indian food back home, there is something more unique about it here. I can taste every ingredient in the dish, each exotic spice and vegetable.
Each person I’ve met has exemplified an aspect of human nature. Whether it was the friendly yet deceitful man who tried to lure me to his “taxi” somewhere in the distance, to the intimidating but stoic man who gave me an honest taxi ride. I’ve encountered the outright rude and the undeniably kind.
Riding through the city, I’m hit with many questions. Red rickshaws… men walking to work… will my life contributions make a difference?... a frail boy sleeping behind a pile of trash… a woman relieving herself on the side of the road… do the rich elite care about humanity?… the slums full of people… the smell of human feces encompassing the air… how can I be of service?… the lush green trees… the dilapidated ruins… will I overcome my insecurities?… the mobs of people… the beautiful colors… the social disparities… a man in meditation… who am I?..
Then I breathe- and I let it go.
“Life is a constant process of letting go and holding on. Our connection to that process is the breath.”